Extracts from Project “Hjärnspöken” (“Brain Ghosts”)

The call came on a Wednesday in December: “Hi. Dad’s dead.” Suddenly, the concept of death was there. Forcefully.

I have rarely thought about death, have always pushed it away. And then something happens that disrupts the balance of my orderly life and I am forced to think about it. The exploding death anxiety gives weird thoughts. Will I die soon? Is there only an eternal darkness? Will close relatives die now?

I don’t want to think these thoughts, but I can’t help it. My thoughts are spinning – they are becoming like brain ghosts.

I need to process.

My photography has changed pace. I photograph with a couple of old Holga, and let random be part of the process. Everything slow, yet spontaneous. What I photograph is secondary, the feeling primary.

The brain ghosts are scary. Mostly it’s just darkness, but I also see light, it creeps into my processing.

Is it just a beginning acceptance, or a hope that there is something beyond it all, something that I do not know?